so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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