They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
