Your mouth is God's brothel.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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