Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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