My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
