Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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