Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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