Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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