Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
