Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
