She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
