Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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