My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wish you could order shots online.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
