I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
