Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
