I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
