matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
if only i could text you this smell
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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