So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
