I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
