yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
