friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This baby is an asshole
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
