3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
