I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
