did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
