i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
