You just made me feel so damn special
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
