gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
