I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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