Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
