My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
