The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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