Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
