I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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