We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
