like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
