the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
