I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
