It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
