We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
