dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
