I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my being single is dangerous.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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