Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
