I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
