i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
