Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
that is very illegal...i love you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
