I wish I only lived at night.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
