Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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