I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
