Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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