Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
