If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
