I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I checked into jail on foursquare
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
