Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
