hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
