feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
