i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
