I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
